We have all heard them…. I know I have; those unwelcome whispers in the back of your mind, telling you you’re not good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough. They tell you that you are worth nothing, that you are ugly, undeserving of love and attention, that you are not good enough. These thoughts can sabotage our relationships, hold us back from pursuing our dreams, limit our abilities and cast a shadow over even our greatest achievements. They deprive you of joy…
But what exactly are insecurities, and where do they come from? More importantly, how can we silence those ugly thoughts and make things better?
THE INSECURITY BREAKDOWN: WHAT IT IS AND WHY IT EXISTS
Insecurity, at its core, is a feeling of inadequacy or doubt about ourselves. It can manifest in countless ways – body image concerns, social anxieties, fear of failure, or the constant need for validation.
These feelings often stem from a combination of factors:
Childhood experiences:
Negative experiences in our formative years, like bullying or parental criticism, can leave lasting scars on our self-esteem. It is not rare to hear our parents say “that your friend, that your classmate, does she have anything you don’t? Why can’t you be like her?” Or “look at your younger sister/brother, she/ he is smarter than you. Good for nothing!” Classmates that tell us they are better than us because they’re wealthy or more beautiful and so on.
Social Comparison:
This is so common these days!!! We’re bombarded with curated perfection on social media, perfect skin, perfect life, perfect wardrobe , perfect fashion sense. Perfect, perfect, perfect!!… leading us to compare our messy realities to others’ highlight reels. (Although some might be true, we just can’t differentiate between what is and what is not.)
The Perfectionist Syndrome:
The relentless pursuit of flawlessness fuels insecurity because it sets us up for inevitable disappointment. We struggle and spend every single one of our waking moments trying to fit into this mold made by us or our society. The lack thereof pushes us into a dark place. A place where we, our own worst critics poison ourselves with negative thoughts, pointing out our shortcomings and inadequacies.
Not understanding your worth:
Because we use standards set for us by others, we forget who we are as individuals, we get swallowed up in unrealistic expectations.
THE HOW: STRATEGIES TO TAME YOUR INNER CRITIC
While insecurities might feel like unwelcome guests, they don’t have to be permanent residents.
Here are some tools to help you manage them and cultivate a more confident you:
Challenge Your Inner Critic:
Reframe negative self-talk into supportive affirmations. When that voice whispers, “You’ll never be good enough,” counter it with a powerful, “I am worthy and capable.” Feed yourself positivity!
Focus on Your Strengths:
Don’t let your insecurities overshadow your amazing qualities. Make a list of your strengths, talents, and accomplishments. Reflecting on what you’re good at can boost your confidence. Building on these areas too will help.
Build Relationships:
Surround yourself with people that genuinely care about you, people that cheer you on in all seasons of your life, be intentional about the friends you keep.
Embrace Imperfections:
Nobody is perfect, and striving for it is a recipe for misery. Learn to accept your flaws and see them as part of what makes you unique. While aiming to be the best version of yourself, don’t forget that you are doing your best. If it’s not working, take it slow.
Practice Self-Compassion:
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend. Forgive yourself for mistakes and celebrate your progress, no matter how small. My friend once told me about a strategy that helps children grow better. Instead of condemning them for not producing a perfect result, appreciate them for the effort. The time and sacrifice put into that action, appreciate yourself for it. You’ll see how much of a difference it can make.
Redefine Success:
Stop measuring your worth by external validation. Define success on your terms – personal growth, meaningful relationships, and pursuing your passions.
Limit Social Comparison:
Curate your social media feeds with accounts that inspire and uplift you. Disconnect from those that make you feel inadequate. Those accounts that make you question your adequacy, put a pause on them.
Celebrate Others’ Victories:
Genuine happiness for others’ success doesn’t diminish your own. It creates a supportive community and fosters connection. Being happy for people will help you attain happiness.
Step Outside Your Comfort Zone:
Fear of failure often fuels insecurity. Take calculated risks, embrace challenges, and learn from your experiences.
Seek Professional Help:
If your insecurities are overwhelming or interfering with your daily life, don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor.
Remember: Insecurity is a universal experience. By understanding its roots and actively working on self-compassion and reframing negative thoughts, you can silence it and step into a world of greater confidence and self-acceptance. This is an ongoing journey.
