Author name: Oso J.

We have all heard them…. I know I have; those unwelcome whispers in the back of your mind, telling you you’re not good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough. They tell you that you are worth nothing, that you are ugly, undeserving of love and attention, that you are not good enough. These thoughts can sabotage our relationships, hold us back from pursuing our dreams, limit our abilities and cast a shadow over even our greatest achievements. They deprive you of joy… But what exactly are insecurities, and where do they come from? More importantly, how can we silence those ugly thoughts and make things better? THE INSECURITY BREAKDOWN: WHAT IT IS AND WHY IT EXISTS Insecurity, at its core, is a feeling of inadequacy or doubt about ourselves. It can manifest in countless ways – body image concerns, social anxieties, fear of failure, or the constant need for validation. These feelings often stem from a combination of factors: Childhood experiences: Negative experiences in our formative years, like bullying or parental criticism, can leave lasting scars on our self-esteem. It is not rare to hear our parents say “that your friend, that your classmate, does she have anything you don’t? Why can’t you be like her?” Or “look at your younger sister/brother, she/ he is smarter than you. Good for nothing!” Classmates that tell us they are better than us because they’re wealthy or more beautiful and so on. Social Comparison:  This is so common these days!!! We’re bombarded with curated perfection on social media, perfect skin, perfect life, perfect wardrobe , perfect fashion sense. Perfect, perfect, perfect!!…  leading us to compare our messy realities to others’ highlight reels. (Although some might be true, we just can’t differentiate between what is and what is not.) The Perfectionist Syndrome:  The relentless pursuit of flawlessness fuels insecurity because it sets us up for inevitable disappointment. We struggle and spend every single one of our waking moments trying to fit into this mold made by us or our society. The lack thereof pushes us into a dark place. A place where we, our own worst critics poison ourselves with negative thoughts, pointing out our shortcomings and inadequacies.  Not understanding your worth:  Because we use standards set for us by others, we forget who we are as individuals, we get swallowed up in unrealistic expectations. THE HOW: STRATEGIES TO TAME YOUR INNER CRITIC While insecurities might feel like unwelcome guests, they don’t have to be permanent residents. Here are some tools to help you manage them and cultivate a more confident you: Challenge Your Inner Critic:  Reframe negative self-talk into supportive affirmations. When that voice whispers, “You’ll never be good enough,” counter it with a powerful, “I am worthy and capable.” Feed yourself positivity! Focus on Your Strengths:  Don’t let your insecurities overshadow your amazing qualities. Make a list of your strengths, talents, and accomplishments. Reflecting on what you’re good at can boost your confidence. Building on these areas too will help. Build Relationships: Surround yourself with people that genuinely care about you, people that cheer you on in all seasons of your life, be intentional about the friends you keep. Embrace Imperfections:  Nobody is perfect, and striving for it is a recipe for misery. Learn to accept your flaws and see them as part of what makes you unique. While aiming to be the best version of yourself, don’t forget that you are doing your best. If it’s not working, take it slow.  Practice Self-Compassion:  Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend. Forgive yourself for mistakes and celebrate your progress, no matter how small. My friend once told me about a strategy that helps children grow better. Instead of condemning them for not producing a perfect result, appreciate them for the effort. The time and sacrifice put into that action, appreciate yourself for it. You’ll see how much of a difference it can make. Redefine Success:  Stop measuring your worth by external validation. Define success on your terms – personal growth, meaningful relationships, and pursuing your passions. Limit Social Comparison:  Curate your social media feeds with accounts that inspire and uplift you. Disconnect from those that make you feel inadequate. Those accounts that make you question your adequacy, put a pause on them. Celebrate Others’ Victories: Genuine happiness for others’ success doesn’t diminish your own. It creates a supportive community and fosters connection. Being happy for people will help you attain happiness. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone:  Fear of failure often fuels insecurity. Take calculated risks, embrace challenges, and learn from your experiences. Seek Professional Help:  If your insecurities are overwhelming or interfering with your daily life, don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. Remember: Insecurity is a universal experience. By understanding its roots and actively working on self-compassion and reframing negative thoughts, you can silence it and step into a world of greater confidence and self-acceptance. This is an ongoing journey.

The ability to believe in yourself when no one else will, the ability to believe in your capabilities and not be limited by what people define you to be, that feeling that helps you to keep your head held up wherever you go, accepting and trusting yourself, having a sense of self control in your life. That is self confidence. Although, it is a feeling that we believe ourselves to not possess, there’s no need to worry, it can be developed! Lack of self-confidence on the other hand is a crippling feeling that makes you want to hide at the back of the room, keep your head held low while walking and doubt your capabilities. Lack of self-confidence presents itself in various means, as list below: Practical Steps to Develop Self Confidence We will discuss some practical steps to develop self confidence, and provide some keys to unlocking the art of believing in yourself. Self-care:  From the simple act of daily skincare to cutting off from toxic relationships and situations, prioritizing yourself and giving yourself proper care can build your self-confidence. Taking care of yourself physically and mentally, eating healthy, exercising and getting enough sleep is important as it sends a positive message to you that you are worth it. Silence the inner critic: Reframe negative self-talk into supportive affirmations. When that voice whispers, “You’ll never be good enough,” counter it with a powerful, “I am worthy and capable.” Feed yourself positivity!   Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend. Forgive yourself for mistakes and celebrate your progress, no matter how small. My friend once told me about a strategy that helps children grow better. Instead of condemning them for not producing a perfect result, appreciate them for the effort. The time and sacrifice put into that action, appreciate yourself for it. You’ll see how much of a difference it can make.   Celebrate your wins: Either big or small, every accomplishment you achieve is absolutely worth celebrating, it is proof that step by step, you are getting better at what you do. Change Perspectives: Instead of viewing failure as the end, embrace it and view it as an opportunity to learn and become better. We all stumble in life and make mistakes but instead of dwelling on them, you can use the opportunity to learn and develop your self-confidence. Step outside your comfort zone: Challenge yourself to new tasks, put your hand up to answer a question, actively pitch during group discussions, learn a new skill, wear that new dress that looks fantastic on you. Growth happens outside comfort, even if it seems daunting, trying new things outside your comfort zone is a key to developing self-confidence. Practice self-affirmations: As a man thinketh, so he is. Repeating positive statements to yourself can affect how you see yourself. Repeat to yourself daily “I’m beautiful” “I am smart” “I am good at what I do” “I am capable of anything” “Whatever I put my heart to, I  can achieve”. Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, identify your strengths and build  them. Surround Yourself with Positivity: It is understandable that we often cannot control the situations we find ourselves in, we can control how we react to said situations. Surround yourself not only with positivity but also with people that fuel positivity. It could be a youth group, an organization, or an online community. It could be your friends and family. Develop a growth mindset: People with a growth mindset believe their abilities can be developed through hard work and dedication. Instead of thinking “I’m not good at this,” tell yourself “I’m still learning.“ Remember, personal development is not about the destination but about the journey. Go easy on yourself, practice self-compassion and watch as your self-confidence grows exponentially.

There are so many opportunities we have had but didn’t take because we were  scared of failing or not doing well. Some people say fear motivates you but I’ll say, fear cripples you. It hinders you from getting what you want. In becoming the best version of yourself, there will be times when you’ll mess up and make mistakes. Some stupid, some innocent. These mistakes are what help you grow. I am not saying that you need to make mistakes to grow, my point is that sitting down, fearing the unknown instead of taking risks will not help.  Ask yourself, what’s the possible worst that could happen? It’s not like you’re going to die if you just do it, you probably shouldn’t if it’ll kill you . My point is, why not just dump the fear for once and try stuff out. That business, that sport, that skill. Try it out and give yourself a pat on the back for taking the first step. Fears are just our minds telling us we can’t. The fear of failure, it’s a universal feeling that can creep up on us all, regardless of age, background, or experience. It might hold you back from starting that business you’ve always dreamed of, applying for your dream job, or even just trying a new recipe. But what if we reframed failure? What if it wasn’t a dead end, but a stepping stone on the path to success? Here’s the truth: failure is inevitable. Every successful person you admire has encountered setbacks and disappointments. The difference is that they didn’t let fear paralyze them. They learned from their mistakes, adjusted their approach, and kept moving forward. So, how can you overcome the fear of failure and embrace the potential for growth it presents? Redefine failure: Instead of seeing it as the opposite of success, view it as a learning experience. What can you take away from this situation to improve next time? Was your goal unrealistic? Did you miss a crucial step? Reframe the experience as a chance to gather valuable information. Focus on progress, not perfection. We often get bogged down by the pressure to be perfect. But progress, not perfection, is the key to achieving your goals. Celebrate small wins and acknowledge your effort. Did you practice that presentation an extra time today? Did you finally write the first paragraph of your novel? These are victories to be celebrated! Embrace a growth mindset.  Believe that your abilities can be developed through hard work and dedication. This empowers you to see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. Instead of thinking “I can’t do this,” tell yourself “This is hard, but I can learn the skills I need to succeed.“ Start small.  Don’t overwhelm yourself by jumping into the deep end. Take on achievable goals to build your confidence and momentum. Maybe you want to write a novel. Instead of aiming to write 50,000 words in a month (a daunting task for a beginner!), set a goal of writing 500 words a day. This feels manageable and sets you up for consistent progress. Celebrate others’ successes.  Seeing others succeed can inspire you and remind you that achieving your goals is possible. Did your friend just land their dream job? Did a local artist you admire have their work displayed in a gallery? Feel happy for them! Their success paves the way for your own and shows that achieving your dreams is possible. Take a deep breath, embrace the possibility of failure as a teacher, and take that next step towards your dreams.  There will be stumbles along the way, but with courage, self-compassion, and a willingness to learn, you can turn the fear of failure into fuel for your success. Remember, the only true failure is giving up. As Nelson Mandela wisely said,

You work a 9-5, you’re a student, you’re a single parent, you’re a lot of things, you work tirelessly, you tell yourself it’s all a means to an end and eventually, you break down. Not just physically but mentally, your emotions and feelings change faster than you can monitor, food tastes like sand and Joy seeps away from you. You blame everyone and everything except yourself or you blame yourself so much that you end up depressed. I would like to let you know that several of these can be avoided if taken care of before escalation.  Stress can be defined as a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation. Stress is a natural human response that prompts us to address challenges and threats in our lives. Everyone experiences stress to some degree.   The main difference between stress and burnout is that stress is a response to a perceived threat. In contrast, burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged or excessive stress. While some stress can be beneficial, chronic stress can lead to burnout and it can be difficult to recover from. Here’s the truth: stress isn’t inherently bad. It can give us that extra push to meet a challenge or finish a project. But when that pressure becomes chronic, it can lead to burnout so how best can you avoid this situation?  Here are 5 steps that are sure to be of help  TAKE BREAKS: The importance of taking breaks from time to time cannot be overemphasized. Taking a step back from your day to day activities that cause stress and eventually burnouts is the key to staying on top of things.  IDENTIFY STRESSORS: Understand what triggers stress for you; Is it an overwhelming need to do exceedingly well or a deadline for a project submission? It could be a full schedule with no breathing space in sight.  Upon identification, you need to tackle these stressors before they escalate. Reduce the high expectations you’ve set for yourself and take things one step at a time, start early to avoid thrashing around when deadlines are close and rearrange your schedule so that it allows room for breathing. THE ART OF TIME MANAGEMENT: Create a realistic schedule, prioritize tasks, and don’t be afraid to delegate. Utilize tools like planners, calendars, and productivity apps to stay organized and avoid feeling like you’re constantly playing catch-up. Apps like Google calendar or Notion are incredibly useful and if you don’t have access to these, a good ol watch and planner can help too. PRACTICE SELF-CARE: Along with taking breaks, learn how to balance your sleep schedule, eat nutritious meals, exercise regularly and do things that bring you joy. It could be taking a walk or spending some time with family. Find activities that help you de-stress, whether it’s meditation, yoga, spending time in nature, or listening to calming music. LEARN TO SAY NO: No matter how enticing that job offer is, no matter the benefits a project comes with, if you are already swamped with work and activities or if you see that these will eventually cause a breakdown, learn to say no. You can decline politely and even make recommendations. Remember the end goal of you saying no is the avoidance of stress and burnout. Taking charge of your well-being is an ongoing process. Be kind to yourself, identify what works for you, and don’t hesitate to seek professional help if needed. By implementing these tips, you can transform the chaos into calm and live a more fulfilling life. Take action today to manage your stress and prevent burnout. Remember, health is wealth. As the author Pearl Buck said,